Josh and I received some news yesterday that left us pretty stunned, shocked, and deeply saddened. I can't go into a lot of detail yet but I am hoping to share more with you all in the days ahead. I cried a lot. I felt broken. I saw Josh shed some tears and it just broke my heart even more. It takes a lot for that man to cry.
I thought I would have feelings of anger toward God (which, just to be honest, I struggle with at times) but I didn't. Overall, I just felt like I went through the hardest breakup of my life. Josh and I held each other a lot. I am so glad I have a man that loves me so deeply and protects my heart so fiercely. When I hurt he literally hurts. We fell asleep last night holding each other, reassuring one another, and whispering that it's going to be ok.
I awoke this morning, still pretty downcast, but with a new hope. God is good. He has given me joy when I didn't feel any joy. He has put hope in my heart and I feel like some really good days are ahead. Sure, I know they are going to be tough but I know that God is with us and everything will be ok.
I was reminded today of a quote from one of my favorite movies, The Sound of Music. "When God closes a door, somehow He opens a window." I am striving to look past the cloud. I am straining my eyes to see the sun. I'm not totally ok. I will have some moments when I know I will break down and lose it but I know God is faithful. He gives us grace when we least expect it but also when we need it most.
I don't know the whole point of this post. I really just typed my heart out. Maybe it's because you the reader are having a rough go of it. Maybe you need a little hope yourself. Here's a hug from me to you and just a reminder, it's gonna be ok. God is up to something far better than we ever imagined.
With love,
Hannah
Hannah, this was maybe the best blog post I've ever read - not just from you but all blogs. It was so transparent and honest. Be kind to yourselves and allow yourselves time to process whatever is making you so sad. You and Josh will be in my thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeletePenny, thank you so much for your sweet words. You are always so encouraging and I appreciate your friendship. Thank you so so much for your kind thoughts and prayers.
ReplyDeleteOh, Hannah, I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through a tough time now. I hope that at the end of all this, you and your husband will come through it stronger. You've got my support and I know there are lots of others in the online community who are standing with you! --Mox
ReplyDeleteHello Devinne, you are so kind. Thank you for encouraging me by your post. You don't know how much it means to me that friends, such as yourself, read my posts and are praying! Thank you for taking the time to bring a smile to my face. God bless you. Xx
DeleteThank you!!!!!
ReplyDeleteHannah, first let me tell you how deeply sorry I am for whatever you and Josh are going through! I'll keep you both in prayer! Second, I wanted to say that every single emotion you and Josh felt and then put into this blog, I have also felt. I felt those emotions when I was told many years ago that I would never bare a child. If I could put devastation into one word, it would be that, infertility. So, whatever it is that you and Josh are facing, please know, and I know you do, that our God is bigger!...and that we are here for you guys!...and thank you for this!
ReplyDeleteLove,
Kimberly (Morgan) Owen
Hello Kimberly! How wonderful to hear from you! My heart hurts for yours! I'm so so sorry. I'll be praying for you guys. Thank you for stopping by to share some love and for praying for us! It means so much. I would love to see you! Much love!
DeletePraying for you and Josh. Love you, Hannah.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much, Sonya! Your prayers mean so much to us.
DeletePraying for you, sweet friend! I'm thankful that God cares and understands our griefs and sorrows more than we can ever know. "... there is no searching of His understanding"
ReplyDeleteThank you very much, Alice! That is so true. He sticks closer than a brother.
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